Splash Pad

I know what you’re thinking. A splash pad is a designated urban area fitted with water squirties and fountain thingies that help cool people off in the summer. A perfect example is that circle fountain at the end of the Christian Science Center in Boston that squirts up cool water all summer long. The kids love that stuff. Well, you’re wrong. A splash pad is something I read about nearly three years ago. It’s totally wireless power for your favorite little digital devices that you love to carry around with you all day long. I read about such a device on one of those hip techie websites, like Endgadget or Gizmodo, and it blew me away. It’s a square piece of techy-fiber-poly-blend that you set on your dresser, and then when you get home, you just lay all of your devices on top of this thing and they get charged? It’s genius.

Wireless power is not a new idea. Tesla was all over that stuff up until Edison and his patent stealing cronies shut him down over 70 years ago. And as far as I know, Japan has probably been running these things for the past two years. Anyway, where is that thing? I can only find it here. That website stinks, because I want a website with a big BUY NOW button and tons of Hi-Rez multi-angle fast loading photos of the thing like the sneaker pics on Zappos. This thing seems so awesome, but no one has one. I don’t understand that. Did they all get crushed with the electric cars in the early ‘90s? Does every awesome idea get squished around here? Why can’t we have tiny wireless headphones that sound great?

Wires are getting so old to me. I mean, we flew to the gosh darn moon sooooo loooooong ago. THE MOON IS SO FAR AWAY AND SO BIG. Why can’t we just get rid of the wires already? And while I’m at it, cell phones stink. They sound ten times worse than landlines and they came out way before Roseanne had one. Landlines are so awesome. So awesome that I had one installed in my bedroom at the beginning of the summer so I can make crystal clear warm sounding calls on them and actually hear the person on the other end. Ladies love the landline too. It makes them feel like they are in middle school again. I feel like I’m in a WWII movie in the trenches when I’m using a cell phone. Landlines rule. It’s probably because they are connected by wires. Wait, I just talked myself into a circle. Maybe wires are not so bad. I still want a splash pad though.